If I could have a lifetime wish,
A dream that would come true;
I'd pray to God with all my heart,
For yesterday and you.
In a post on BZ dated April 28, 2005, Melissa, Makenna's Mommy wrote:
First of all, I want to thank you all for sending us all your blessings
and well wishes. They helped me through the hardest time in my life.
We are taking everyday as it comes and they have been really hard so
far. I can't go an hour without thinking about calling the hospital to
see if she is ok. I can't go more then a few hours without feeling like
I have to run and get back to the hospital before she wakes up and I
will miss seeing her beautiful eyes open. I can't explain what we have
gone through, it is so hard to even think about it now for me. I can't
believe how many lives that she has touched here on the boards and also
in the hospital itself. It was last Tuesday and we had a really hard
night with her. She gave us a wonderful gift by opening her eyes and
waving her arms around. She did look like she was uncomfortable but
we had given her all the meds that we could and she was still awake.
We would like to think that it was the last gift that she gave us.
I was telling her for days that I wanted to see her open her eyes for
me. Then on Wednesday morning the dr's came in and we decided that she
was ready. So we asked the priest to come back in and give her a
blessing. After that happened everyone said their last goodbyes and they
left the room. Anthony and I wanted to be the only ones in the room,
it was my feeling that we brought her into this world and we should be
there when she leaves. It was 10:26am and the dr took the breathing
machine off and they handed her to me and she took 1 or 2 breaths with
me then I handed her to Anthony and she was breathing a little more.
Then he handed her back to me and it scared me because I thought she was
gaging so I gave her back to Anthony. She then took a few more breaths
and then she passed. It was very peaceful. The time was 10:30am that she
passed and it felt like 20 minutes. We held her for about 20 min and then
the nurse asked us if we would like to help give her her last bath. So we
did. We got to weigh her and she was 10lbs 4 oz. FINALLY OVER 10lbs.
Then we got her dressed and swaddled her. We then got my family to come
back in and they all wanted to hold her again. SO we all did. It was so
hard. It was hard to say ok we have to leave. It was finally about 2:30pm
and we were sitting there with some of the nurses that had cared for her
since she came to the hospital the first time in Dec. It was really nice
that everyone was so caring. At the time when they turned off all the
machines everyone in the room(the doctor, her nurse,and Respiratory) they
were all crying with us.
It was amazing. I think the hardest thing that we had to do was to hand
Makenna to the nurse and leave. I still have never cried so hard in my LIFE.
That was so hard because I knew when I handed her over that was IT. It was
OVER. We did decide to do an autopsy on her because we wanted to know the
info on her and we wanted the doctors to know more about her. Also, if she
could help someone else that has this condition ever that would help.
Now to the services..they were WONDERFUL. It was so beautiful that day
and she was in a beautiful dress that my sister bought her. She really did
look just like a doll. It was so hard to see the casket. The casket was so
small. It was only 2 ft 6 inches long. It was tiny. We did put some things
in with her a couple stuffed animals and a dolly for her. It was a wonderful
day to celebrate her short but SO important time here with us.
Now we are home and back to our "normal" lives. Whatever that means. We
are going to try and live everyday just like we would if she was here with
us. I know that she is here and is always in our hearts.
Thank you all again for all your blessings and kind words for our family.
I would love to still post on this board and keep in contact with you all if
that is ok with everyone.
OK Ladies, Talk to you all soon.
Melissa and Anthony
Austin James 10-12-00
Cameron Joseph 11-8-02
Makenna Marie 8-13-04 to 4-20-05